It's About Time for an Arbitrator Guide

She tried to worry that something terrible had happened to him, but didn't believe it for a moment. Nothing terrible ever happened to him, though she was beginning to think that it was time it damn well did. If nothing terrible happened to him soon maybe she'd do it herself. Now there was an idea.
-- Douglas Adams

I've talked about the Arbitrator here before.  For those keeping track, it's been nearly ten months since I first undocked in one, but I've so far held back on doing any sort of review of the ship as I have previously done with the Punisher, Vengeance, or Malediction.  The simple explanation is that I wanted to feel I had really gotten a good handle on what the ship was and was not capable of before attempting to provide advice to others about it.  That day is finally here, so sit back, relax, and get ready for another long one.

Who Doesn't Like Pie?

"Tell us," said the thin, pale-faced Krikkiter who had stepped forward from the ranks of the others and stood uncertainly in the circle of light handling his as if he were just holding it for someone else who'd just popped off somewhere but would be back in a minute, "do you know anything about something called the balance of nature?"
--Douglas Adams

I've discussed in the past my reasons for not posting Killmails.  All those reasons still apply to my thought process, but they recently led to an interesting conversation with an old friend of mine in EVE.  For whatever reason, he was looking at my Killboard on Battleclinic and, seeing all my recent kills were against Pirates, he convoed me in game to ask if I'd turned Anti-Pirate.

The Capacitor Is Empty

It feeds on brainwave energy received not from its own carrier but from those around it. It absorbs all unconscious mental frequencies from this brainwave energy to nourish itself with.
--Douglas Adams

I've joked before about the notification that you've run out of Capacitor being my least favorite phrase in the English Language.  While I was joking, just as with any good joke, there is some truth to the statement.  Having said that, a mistake I often see new PvPers making, especially after coming from EVE's PvE content, is placing undue importance on the notion of Cap Stability on their ship.  Now, as a case in point, I present the following fights which I lost horribly.

Clearing the Cobwebs

The layer of dust had clearly not been disturbed in some time when the door opened and a gust of air sprinkled the air with thin particles.

"Oh man, what happened ta this place?" the plump man who had opened the door asked aloud.

"I heard the last owner lost his mind.  Kept screaming something about spreadsheets when he was dragged away.  Got committed to that place up in Arkham, " replied the tall slender fellow who was behind him.

"Arkham?  I 'erd they had some big breakout up there a couple years back, closed the 'ole place down,"  The rounder fellow spoke without looking at his companion.  Intent on his task at hand; cleaning the place up for the new owner.

"Nah, you heard wrong.  Some lunatic in a cape and pointy ears stopped it before it went too far, " shot back the other as he flipped the breakers on the wall.  Light finally illuminating the work desk covered with maps and diaries.  "So, are we just to throw all this out?"

"Nope.  The buyer was real specific about wanting anything left behind.  Somethin' about peering into the eyes of madness.  Gave me the creeps t'be honest.  Wore one a'those Amarrian hoods so you couldn't see his face when he talked t'ya.  I seen his type before.  We're just ta get the locks changed and fix the place up before he gets 'ere tomorra."

"Well, looks like some of the fixtures need replacing.  I'm heading down to the truck to see if we have a match while you start on the locks."  Both men nodded in agreement and went about their work.  By the time they finished, the transformation was nothing less than extraordinary.  No longer the dusty cave of a madman, this was now a right and proper work studio.

CCP Hates Me

There is a theory which states that if anyone discovers exactly what the universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarrely inexplicable. There is another theory which states this has already happened.
--Douglas Adams

If you're reading this blog, I have to assume you read other blogs.  I mean, I hope my writing is good, but it's not that good.  If you read other blogs, it's inevitable that you've been alerted to recent Dev Blogs from CCP.  Like anyone, I have my opinions on that blog and what it means as a player for the future of EVE, but I don't think I have a lot to add to the discussion and usually steer away from posts in which I try to tell other people what to think.  What I offer instead is a brief post today concerning what those Dev Blogs meant to this blog that I hope can shed some light on blogging about EVE in general.

Dragon Hunting

The great thing about being the only species that makes a distinction between right and wrong is that we can make up the rules for ourselves as we go along.
--Douglas Adams

Taurean over at Flight of Dragons posted earlier today some thoughts on Bounty Hunting in EVE.  It managed to hit that sweet spot of interesting with a dash of controversial and got my own creative juices flowing.  If you haven't read his post, you should do so before reading this one, and then prepare for another session of me ranting a bit about game design to whomever will listen.

Turret Talk Two

The idea of firing real ammunition instead of Simulated Destruction charges was both terrible and exciting.  It was one thing to use live ammunition against the outside hull of the Starship, but shooting live rounds actually inside the ship would mean damage on a grand scale!  There would be an enormous amount of exciting repair work to look forward to!
--Douglas Adams

Yesterday's post saw a comment from one of my readers that raised some interesting points.  I do so love comments, and instead of trying to reply to a somewhat complicated matter within the comments of that post, I decided to turn my response into an entire post of its own.  So fasten your seat belt and get ready for some more turret talk.

Everything You Never Asked to Know About Turrets

Next to this, the structures of the huge half-dismantled Grebulon ship looked like gun turrets on a battleship.  Gun turrets.  That's what those blank gray buildings had looked like.  And what was odd about them was that by the time she passed them again on her way to reboarding the small Grebulon craft, they had moved.
--Douglas Adams

A while back Taurean over at Flight of Dragons received a question in his comments about Turrets, Missiles and Rockets.  His response, in short, was to answer the question about Turrets as best he could and then referred the person to a post I made about Rockets for a good introduction to how they work.  This got me thinking, "Why don't I have an equally awesome post concerning turrets?  I love turrets.  I got my first kill with them.  I should talk about turrets."  This is that post.

New Player Wrap Up

Dirk turned on the car wipers, which grumbled because they didn't have quite enough rain to wipe away, so he turned them off again. Rain quickly speckled the windscreen. He turned on the wipers again, but they still refused to feel that the exercise was worthwhile, and scraped and squeaked in protest.
--Douglas Adams

We're finally here folks.  It took me all of a single day to play through what has taken three weeks of posting for you to get caught up on.  You're tired of it.  I'm tired of it.  This is a generally bitter and angry post which I'll apologize for upfront.  It's also filled with some extremely constructive criticism and hopefully someone from CCP is out there listening.

Balancing the Books

Dennis Hutch had stepped up into the top seat when its founder had died of a lethal overdose of brick wall, taken while under the influence of a Ferrari and a bottle of tequila.
--Douglas Adams

These pilots are masters of arbitrage, profiteering, and generally making a space-buck off the sweat of another man's brow.  Join this career if you prefer to sit in a leather executive chair, smoking a cigar and counting your billions as the proletariat does the real work.

Like Military Only Better

Nobody got murdered before lunch. But nobody. People weren't up to it. You needed a good lunch to get both the blood-sugar and blood-lust levels up.
--Douglas Adams

Pilots on this advanced training program will be introduced to the many commonly used modules and tactics on the battlefield, including interdiction, logistics, and evasive maneuvering.  In order to complete this tutorial, a capsuleer must also come to master their own needless fear of death.

Into the Wild Blue Yonder

It wasn’t infinity in fact. Infinity itself looks flat and uninteresting. Looking up into the night sky is looking into infinity—distance is incomprehensible and therefore meaningless. The chamber into which the aircar emerged was anything but infinite, it was just very very very big, so big that it gave the impression of infinity far better than infinity itself.
--Douglas Adams

Space is vast, and a lot of it remains uncharted.  Explorers are dedicated to discovering cosmic anomalies and deadspace signatures, although risky, pilots are often rewarded greatly.  Enter this career path if you wish to find out more about the secrets of exploration.

Making Mountains of Molehills

He stood up straight and looked the world squarely in the fields and hills. To add weight to his words he stuck the rabbit bone in his hair. He spread his arm out wide. "I will go mad!" he annouced.
--Douglas Adams

Industrial pilots are the rugged individuals tearing asunder asteroids and reforging them into materials to sate the galaxy's ravenous engines of war.  Join this career if you wish to transmute useless space rocks into the mightiest machines mankind has ever known.

Cash Flow for Capsuleers

I'd take the awe of understanding over the awe of ignorance any day.
--Douglas Adams

Military pilots live for war, wielding unimaginable destructive forces that daily reforge the landscape of New Eden.  Join this career if you enjoy lasers, missiles and generally making sure that someone else has a bad day.

Your First Days

"You know," said Arthur, "it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young."
"Why, what did she tell you?"
"I don't know, I didn't listen."
--Douglas Adams

Ah, the New Player Experience.  CCP's supposed justification for why Incarna provided no new content to bitter vets, instead focusing on making the game a little less daunting for the uninitiated.  Well, is it true?  Let's find out shall we...

Stupid Meatspace

Quick update today.

Tusker's Revenge

Imagine a puddle waking up one morning and thinking, 'This is an interesting world I find myself in, an interesting hole I find myself in, fits me rather neatly, doesn't it?  In fact it fits me staggeringly well, must have been made to have me in it!'  This is such a powerful idea that as the sun rises in the sky and the air heats up and as, gradually, the puddle gets smaller and smaller, it's still frantically hanging on to the notion that everything's going to be alright, because this world was meant to have him in it, was built to have him in it; so the moment he disappears catches him rather by surprise.
--Douglas Adams

After my last post on gate camps, I decided to followup with my own tale of failing miserably to get out of one.  With Great Fail Comes Great Responsibility.  I think that's how it goes anyway.

Myths About Camping

And the most interesting natural structure?

A giant, two-thousand-mile-long fish in orbit around Jupiter, according to a reliable report in the Weekly World News. The photograph was very convincing, and I'm only surprised that more-reputable journals like New Scientist, or even just The Sun, haven't followed up with more details. We should be told.
--Douglas Adams

No, not those myths.  While Unidentified Furry Organisms are spotted on camping trips, this post is going to focus on the kind of camping that happens in internet spaceships.  More specifically, it's going to focus on the three most oft-repeated bits of misinformation I hear about Gate Camping.

The Road Ahead

In fact, Lig never formally resigned his editorship - he merely left his office late one morning, and has never returned since. Though well over a century has now passed, many members of the Guide staff still retain the romantic notion that he has simply popped out for a sandwich and will yet return to put in a solid afternoon's work.
--Douglas Adams

OK, so I'm not as evil as I everyone thought.  I can't leave you hanging on what lies ahead for me for more than a day.  This is probably the post people wanted me to make sooner, explaining exactly what I'll be doing in the coming months.  Sit back, relax, and join me on a look at what I enjoy so much about this game and how I plan to recapture some of the moments of wonder I felt when first playing.

Finals Are Bad

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.
--Douglas Adams

To anyone out there worried by my lack of posts, don't be. I guess I have only myself to blame for setting a precedence of two posts a week, so when the blog goes silent for over a week it's only fair that people start poking me for posts.  Now onto the post itself.

Crossroads

I don't know what this great thing I'm meant to be doing is, and it looks to me as if I was supposed not to know. And I resent that, right?
--Douglas Adams

As promised, here's the options I see before me.  Fair warning, this post probably won't contain much useful information for anyone besides me, or an awful lot of redeeming entertainment value for that matter.  Except of course that you'll be treated to my "unique" writing style...yay?  If you haven't read that earlier post yet, you need to.  Go ahead.  I'll wait.

gnaB giB

"But what about the End of the Universe? We'll miss the big moment."
"I've seen it. It's rubbish," said Zaphod,"nothing but a gnab gib."
"A what?""
"Opposite of a big bang. Come on, let's get zappy."
--Douglas Adams


I'm not entirely sure what to write here.  I know that it needs to be done, but I'm at a loss for words as to how to say it.  Expect lots of stream of consciousness style writing to follow.

That Was Brutal

Let's think the unthinkable, let's do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all.
--Douglas Adams

Reading Taurean's post about his recent return to Hevrice, I decided that it was due time for me to wander over to Verge Vendor and see what they were up to.  What's that you say?  No, it didn't occur to me that going to the home of a group of top-ranked PvPers might not be a bright idea.

Resource Roundup

To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity.
--Douglas Adams

A few blog posts around the web have piqued my interest recently.  As I read each one I've wanted to stand-up and say "Hey!  People need to come look at this," but I didn't necessarily feel it was worth making a post about. As these thoughts have built up in my head, I decided to highlight a few things that I think would be very useful to a new Pirate in EVE.

Back to Reality

Afterwards the world will explode for your pleasures.
--Douglas Adams

So...EVE exploded.  Thought I'd just get that out of the way up front.  It's been blogged about to death by people far more capable than yours truly though.  To be honest, I've had a lot to say on the topic, but I've said it in smaller and less public circles than the internet at large.  Ever seen this?  Yeah, that pretty much sums up how I've felt about it at times, but I've decided to keep my thoughts to myself as far as this blog is concerned.  So now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Alternative Recruitment Methods

It all sounds rather naive and sentimental to be talking about children laughing and dancing and singing together when we all know perfectly well that what children do in real life is snarl and take drugs.
--Douglas Adams

Another day of roaming.  Violent acts were committed against innocent players just wanting to be left alone.  Nothing new there really.  It's how the kill came to be, and the reaction that I got from the pilot after it was over that I thought were interesting.  Hope you agree.

We Don't Need No Probes

There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind.
--Douglas Adams

Combat scanner probes are an amazing asset to a Lowsec Pirate.  Most of the pilots I know fly with an alt capable of probing for them anytime they roam.  Against their sound advice, I continue to insist on pursuing the purity of belt piracy.  Some nights it just works out better than others.

New Toys

He reached out and pressed an invitingly large red button on a nearby panel. The panel lit up with the words "Please do not press this button again".
--Douglas Adams

I recently discussed the new direction I was taking my skill plan in.  Battlecruisers IV will be finishing up for me tomorrow and I already have a couple of Myrmidon hulls ready to roll out once it does.  But this post isn't to talk about those, this is to talk about the new toy I didn't mention in that post.  This is to talk about my Armageddon.

The Sky Is Falling

Can't stand all these poisonous creatures, all these snakes and insects and fish and things. Wretched things, biting everybody. And then people expect me to tell them what to do about it. I'll tell them what to do. Don't get bitten in the first place.
--Douglas Adams

To anyone paying any attention to the political happenings in EVE online, the news of the Northern Coalition is unavoidable.  Before you get ahead of me, this isn't going to be another rant about 0.0 mechanics or anything like that.  What this is going to be is a discussion of how this has been directly affecting me as a Lowsec Pirate.

I Can't Get No

There is an art to the business of making sandwiches which it is given to few ever to find the time to explore in depth. It is a simple task, but the opportunities for satisfaction are many and profound.
--Douglas Adams

Today's post isn't just a thinly veiled Rolling Stones reference.  I've come here to talk a little bit about some of my recent kills, and why they've left me somewhat disappointed.  Not because seeing spaceships explode isn't fun, but rather because they lacked that elusive "gf" at the end.  Read on and you'll understand.

Paranoia Fuel

"You know," said Arthur thoughtfully, "all this explains a lot of things. All through my life I've had this strange unaccountable feeling that something was going on in the world, something big, even sinister, and no one would tell me what it was."
"No," said the old man, "that's just perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the Universe has that."
--Douglas Adams

Sorry folks, things have been a bit busy on my end.  Both in and out of EVE, but plenty of cool fights and some great kills have been coming in lately for The Cartel.  I promise some detailed write ups of those in the near future.  However, that's not what this post is about.

Undocking On Patch Day

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
--Douglas Adams

Short post today to discuss some simple advice for undocking your ship for a little Lowsec Piracy on Patch Day.

Growing Up Is Hard Work

But the reason I call myself by my childhood name is to remind myself that a scientist must also be absolutely like a child. If he sees a thing, he must say that he sees it, whether it was what he thought he was going to see or not. See first, think later, then test. But always see first. Otherwise you will only see what you were expecting.
--Douglas Adams

Remember this post?  The one where I outlined my skill training plan for the next year?  Yeah, I lied.  I didn't mean to, I promise, it just sort of happened.  Today's post will take a look at some of the changes made, why they happened, and what I would have done differently knowing then what I know now.

The Root of All Evil

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
--Douglas Adams

A comment left yesterday by a reader deserved a response.  I started to answer his query in the comment field, but my latest Remap has left my Charisma quite low and I've yet to train Brevity V so it quickly grew into a rather long response.  Instead of burying all that in the comments of another post, I decided to reply to it here for all the world to see.

Ged Oovening Ociffer

The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which is like having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.
--Douglas Adams

Drinking and driving is bad.  In the future, drinking and flying a spaceship will be awesome.  At least, if EVE is any indication.

What's in a Name?

"And then we must go," said the robot, in all seriousness, "to a party."
"Oh," said Zaphod, startled, "can I come?"
"No," said the robot, "we are going to shoot you."
"Oh, yeah?" said Zaphod."Yes," said the robot, and they shot him.
Zaphod was so surprised that they had to shoot him again before he fell down.
--Douglas Adams

My last foray into Tech 1 Cruisers didn't end that well.  In fact, getting zero kills and dying in under an hour of undocking may be about as poorly as it could have gone.  I knew that for my next attempt, I was going to need a bit of luck coupled with a far more impressive naming convention.  Thus, I christened my latest Arbitrator class hull the GTO Judge and tried to see if I couldn't pull off some kills without dying in a fire.

One Man's Trash

A learning experience is one of those things that says, 'You know that thing you just did?  Don't do that.'
--Douglas Adams

Some days as a Pirate it feels like I've taken a vow of poverty.  I never actually run out of ISK, but I never seem to have much of it laying around.  One of the ways I've found for making a steady, if still meager, income is by picking up just about anything not nailed down.  You'd be surprised how many people don't bother with looting the wrecks as they rack up bounties on Lowsec rats.  I once managed to find a Faction Module worth 40 million ISK on one such rat, and have obsessively checked wrecks ever since.  I'm not here to talk to you today about taking loot that others have discarded, but rather taking loot that others still wanted.

Because of Falcon

It is folly to say you know what is happening to other people. Only they know, if they exist. They have their own Universes of their own eyes and ears.
--Douglas Adams

Commandment #11
You shall not mine in low sec...

And God looked down from the heavens and saw that the infidels were indeed mining in low sec. "I shall Smoke THEM!" He announced, but due to recent budget cuts he was not able to order more lighting bolts, so he just hired us, The Blood Money Cartel, for half the price.

HERETICS-Repent For YOUR SINS!!!!!
(or just pay the ransom)

Intel Fail

I only know as much about myself as my mind can work out under its current conditions. And its current conditions are not good.
--Douglas Adams

After my last run in with a Stealth Bomber, I got excited spotting a Nemesis at a FW Plex.  Unfortunately for me, this one slipped away.  Fortunately for me, what followed was funny enough that I wanted to share.

Hearing Voices

I'm so great even I get tongue-tied talking to myself.
--Douglas Adams

Knocking the dust off one of the ships in my hangar quickly led to cruising familiar space looking for a fight.  It also brought back all the voices I hadn't heard in a while.  Some of these voices give me really good advice while I'm in a fight.  Other times they can get a little carried away with thoughts of loot and get a bit reckless.  More often than not, they're a little bit of both.

Goo For The Goo Throne

He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.

--Douglas Adams

With a lack of kills after my short hiatus, I still have no new adventures to share.  So I instead offer some old tales of people exploding and advice that, hopefully, someone will find helpful.  Don't worry though, I've since gotten out there to get blown up and will be sharing those tales in my next post.

Communing With EVE

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
--Douglas Adams

Will you look at that?  I seem to have missed a couple of posts.  Guess my all-powerful posting queue didn't have as much material in it as I had hoped.  Well, let's take a look at what I've been up to and what I've missed.

Cheapfleet, Best Fleet

Humans are not proud of their ancestors and rarely invite them round for dinner.
--Douglas Adams

Toterra has announced the winners of his Cheapfleet Challenge.  Through some miscount of the votes, I seem to have won some stuff.  What do you mean he was the only one voting?  Hrmm...must have been a really long typographical error then.  Regardless of the circumstances, since someone other than myself seemed to have validated my Crucifier fit as not completely worthless, I thought I'd share some background info on where the fitting came from, and by proxy some of the background info on where I came from.

Strangest Thing All Week

They live in perpetual fear of the time they call "The Coming of the Great White Handkerchief."

--Douglas Adams

Sometimes people scare me.  In that sort of "I fear for the future of the human race," kind of way.  This is one of those times.

ROFLkets

Okay, the supposedly rocket-proof glass hadn't stood up, when it came to it, to an actual rocket, but then that had been a rocket that had been fired at very short range from inside, which probably wasn't what the engineers who designed it had had in mind.

--Douglas Adams

Last week I mentioned Rockets vs. Turrets on the Vengeance and promised a more in depth look at them in a future post.  Well, look at that.  It's the future.  And here's that post.

Recent Happenings

The major problem—one of the major problems, for there are several—one of the many major problems with governing people is that of whom you get to do it; or rather of who manages to get people to let them do it to them.
To summarize: it is a well-known fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it.
To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
--Douglas Adams

I'm going to be taking a bit of a detour for today's topic.  With all the recent events, what with Fanfest happening, I figured I should at least say something about it all.  So I've decided to stick my nose where it has no business being and comment on a number of different topics that I probably have a poor understanding of.  What could possibly go wrong?

Zoom!

"I think we have different value systems." —Arthur
"Well mine's better." —Ford
--Douglas Adams

Well, I'm right out of my comfort zone now.  Suddenly I find myself zipping around in Interceptors for the past month instead of the nice and sturdy Space Bricks I've grown accustomed to.  Feeling that a nice change of pace is good for the soul, join me as a take a look at what I've learned flying the Malediction.

Re-Vengeance

It was too easy. Too obvious. It was like coming across an Irishman who actually was stupid, a mother-in-law who actually was fat, or an American businessman who actually did have a middle initial and smoked a cigar. You feel as if you are unwillingly performing in a music-hall sketch and wishing you could rewrite the script.
--Douglas Adams

I've discussed my first outing in the Vengeance.  It did not go well.  Thankfully, it got better.  Having had a couple of months to get used to flying it, I've got findings to share for those interested in flying one, or just making the other guy flying it explode.

The Future of New

The more Susan waited, the more the doorbell didn't ring. Or the phone.
--Douglas Adams

We interrupt your regularly scheduled broadcast to bring you absolutely nothing of value.

So, I was going to talk about the Vengeance today.  Had a post all ready and everything, but then something unusual happened on Monday and it got me thinking about this blog.  There you have it, the topic of this blog is now this blog.  Assuming the universe doesn't implode from such self reference, let's move on, shall we?

EVE Causes Cancer

It is worth repeating at this point the theories that Ford had come up with, on his first encounter with human beings, to account for their peculiar habit of continually stating and restating the very very obvious, as in "It's a nice day," or "You're very tall," or "So this is it, we're going to die."  His first theory was that if human beings didn't keep exercising their lips, their mouths probably shriveled up.  After a few months of observation he had come up with a second theory, which was this--If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, their brains start working.
--Douglas Adams

In which I venture down the slippery slope of using the vast influence of my blog to make fun of another player.

The Good With the Bad

Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?
--Douglas Adams

In EVE Online PvP you have to learn to take the good with the bad.  The problem that the human psyche has with this concept is that the good mostly feels normal while the bad stands out like a sore thumb.  The following events took place over the course of about three days, and left me absolutely reeling from a string of losses.

Jack of All Trades

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
--Douglas Adams

No ship can do everything in EVE, just as no module is right for every situation.  It's important to remember that you shouldn't try to do everything, or you'll just end up a Jack of all trades and a master of none.

Don't Read This. Read That.

You come to me for advice, but you can't cope with anything you don't recognize.  Hmmm.  So we'll have to tell you something you already know but make it sound like news, eh.  Well, business as usual , I suppose.
--Douglas Adams

A quick post out of my usual schedule to get you to go take a look at Taurean Eltanin's blog Flight of Dragons.  He has a poll up right now and is looking for some advice, so go vote...and then come back and read this.

The Road to Yarrr: Minmatar

We are now cruising at a level of two to the power of twenty-five thousand to one against and falling, and we will be restoring normality just as soon as we are sure what is normal anyway.
--Douglas Adams

By now, you should know exactly what's coming next.  An in depth look at the first two weeks in the life of a Minmatar pilot.  So strap in (do Rifter's have seatbelts?) this is going to be a bumpy ride.

The Road to Yarrr: Gallente

If everyone knew exactly what I was going to say, then there would be no point in my saying it, would there?
--Douglas Adams

One of the worst parts about writing a series of posts is that I run out of things to write before the jump break.  You all knew this was coming, so let's get on with it already.  This time, we'll take a look at everyone's favorite freedom loving Space Race; the Gallente.

The Road to Yarrr: Caldari

It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, 'As pretty as an airport.
--Douglas Adams

Continuing on from the last post.  We're going to be taking a little trip in the life of a brand new Caldari pilot.  So leave your aesthetics at the door and follow along as we turn a brand new player into a Pirate in three easy steps.

The Road to Yarrr: Amarr

They believe in `peace, justice, morality, culture, sport, family life, and the obliteration of all other life forms'.
--Douglas Adams

I have a guilt complex.  Specifically, I feel guilty for taking so much joy from the game of EVE Online without giving something back.  It's one of the primary factors that drives me to write this blog.  So for the next two weeks I'll take a break from my tales of being blown up and present to you a guide to how you too can get blown up.

Dog With a Bone

You cannot see what I see because you see what you see. You cannot know what I know because you know what you know. What I see and what I know cannot be added to what you see and what you know because they are not of the same kind. Neither can it replace what you see and what you know, because that would be to replace you yourself.
--Douglas Adams

It seems players often underestimate just how patiently Pirates in EVE will pursue a target.  While I can certainly understand wanting to get back to playing your game when a Pirate interrupts you, take a moment to consider the lengths that he's willing to go to in playing his game.

Why We Do It

Yes, it is true that sometimes unusually intelligent and sensitive children can appear to be stupid. But stupid children can sometimes appear to be stupid as well. I think that's something you might have to consider.
--Douglas Adams

After my last post, the obvious question is why anyone engages anything with a hint of being bait.  Here's a time when I was absolutely positively sure I was being baited into a fight.  As it turned out, he didn't have any backup at all.  Lucky me.

Taking the Bait

For Children: You will need to know the difference between Friday and a fried egg. It's quite a simple difference, but an important one. Friday comes at the end of the week, whereas a fried egg comes out of a chicken. Like most things, of course, it isn't quite that simple. The fried egg isn't properly a fried egg until it's been put in a frying pan and fried. This is something you wouldn't do to a Friday, of course, though you might do it on a Friday. You can also fry eggs on a Thursday, if you like, or on a cooker. It's all rather complicated, but it makes a kind of sense if you think about it for a while.
--Douglas Adams

In the past I've mentioned target selection as a consideration on which ships can and can't be engaged safely.  There's another aspect to target selection that I'd like to go over, those with backup.  Specifically, those that are baiting other ships into attacking them.  Learning to spot the bait is an important aspect to successful Piracy and not necessarily one I've mastered.  So please, join me for a few tales of the FNG taking the bait, for better or worse.

I Want You to Want Me

And we’ll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere…and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together guys. 
--Douglas Adams

A number of reasons for this post, not just to make Cheap Trick references.  This also commemorates the first kills I made after finally attaining outlaw status, and where the first bounty on my head came from.  It's also a scarily appropriate title considering that today is Valentine's Day and I wrote this post several weeks ago and just added it to the end of my posting schedule...maybe it's fate?

Let Me Count the Ways

For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.
--Douglas Adams

I don't make any attempts to hide the fact that I despise nullsec.  Everything about its play style is anathema to the way I approach EVE.  Now, I'm sure that some of you reading this may have a very different opinion of 0.0 space.  So please, allow me to illustrate where my distaste comes from.

Target Acquisition

If life is going to exist in a Universe of this size, then the one thing it cannot afford to have is a sense of proportion.
--Douglas Adams

Target selection in EVE Online PvP is important.  You need to have a firm grasp of exactly what ships you can and can't engage when flying.  True to form, I attempt to gain this knowledge the only way I know how: The Hard Way.  Here are a couple of failed attempts at engaging a target.  If you were instead looking for advice on how to do it the right way, you came to the wrong place.  I suggest you try out one of those other blogs where people know what they're doing.

Making Lowsec Money

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.
--Douglas Adams

For those of my readers not in the United States (Judging from my blog stats about 50%) let me first say that we've had some pretty big snowstorms this week.  Why am I telling you this?  Because I've had four days off in a row and nothing better to do than play EVE and read EVE related Blogs.  Having been spending all my time playing EVE in lowsec having a grand ol' time and a significant portion of my time reading blogs about how lowsec is broken, or doesn't matter, or whatever, I'm ready to strangle the next person who says it.  Since I've already ranted a bit about what I think lowsec's place in New Eden is, I won't be going back to that.  Instead, I'll be discussing some ways that you can already turn a profit there, even if PvP is the furthest thing from your mind.  Warning: WALL OF TEXT AHEAD

Arbitrator is Not a Scary Word

Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was, "Oh no, not again."  Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.
--Douglas Adams

In the Amarr line of ships we find some truly terrifying names.  Ships that should strike fear when their name is simply spoken.  Crucifier, Executioner, Punisher, Malediction, Curse, Damnation, the list goes on.  Sadly, the Arbitrator is not one of those ships.  It's a ship that brings to mind the peaceful resolution of disputes between parties.  Perhaps I should have considered a more bad-ass sounding ship when I decided to undock my first Cruiser in the pursuit of Piracy.

Vengeance Served Hot

Anything that thinks logically can be fooled by something else that thinks at least as logically as it does.
--Douglas Adams

I should be finished with Assault Frigates V today and, per my earlier mentioned timeline, am now ready to fly AC fit Vengeances.  It seems only fitting then that I bring to you this tale of my first outing in a Vengeance.  It was over two months ago now, which clearly shows that I wasn't ready for the hull yet at the time.  Sometimes new shiny is just hard to resist, and I hadn't yet adopted my 1 year skill plan and set dates for when I would be ready to fly what ships.  I just saw that I was able to train Assault Frigates and so I did.  My first one lasted about 5 minutes.

Morale Boosts

And then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, one girl sitting on her own in a small cafe in Rickmansworth suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right, it would work, and no one would have to get nailed to anything.
--Douglas Adams

Having faced a few defeats of late in larger (read more expensive) vessels, I had finally settled on the sound advice that I should stick to my Punisher until I truly had the skills for something else.  Deciding that packing a little extra firepower was never a bad idea however, I had fleeted up with a Corpmate in a Rifter to try our hand at a two-person-roam.

Math is Hard

Bistromathics itself is simply a revolutionary new way of understanding the behavior of numbers. Just as Einstein observed that space was not an absolute but depended on the observer's movement in space, and that time was not an absolute, but depended on the observer's movement in time, so it is now realized that numbers are not absolute, but depend on the observer's movement in restaurants.
--Douglas Adams

I'm actually pretty good at math.  At least, I better be since I've devoted my degree and profession to it.  However, it turns out that there's some math I needed to learn to play EVE.  Being who I am, there was only one way for me to learn this lesson: The Hard Way™.  The math lesson, which I will now share with you is thus, "Frigate(T1+T1≠T2)".

Stumbling Into Success

Don't you understand that we need to be childish in order to understand? Only a child sees things with perfect clarity, because it hasn't developed all those filters which prevent us from seeing things that we don't expect to see.
--Douglas Adams

I had only just completed bookmarking my new home in Molden Heath and started going out for some solo roaming action in my trusty Punisher.  It only took me two jumps to find it.  Sometimes even the most undeserving of us manage to pull off some kills when we have no right to be doing so.  This is one of those times.

Old Alliances Betrayed

In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.
--Douglas Adams

Getting acquainted with our new home has been interesting.  Setting up bookmarks everywhere, learning which of the locals were dangerous and which were easy prey, who baits and who hotdrops.  It took me a bit by surprise when I spotted some familiar faces out there.  Seeing a couple of members of the NC Alliance I was a part of for my first month of EVE, I decided to see what they were up to.

Prisoner's Dilemma

What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder you can't move, with no hope of rescue. Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your current circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer.
--Douglas Adams

Having recently seen my own attempts at ransoms rejected more and more and then seeing Druur Monakh's comment I decided to explore the topic in a bit more detail.  So this post will include thoughts on why we ransom, why we betray ransoms, and why the ransomee so often responds with details of where Pirates can best stick their ship.

Everything I Need to Know About EVE

In many of the more relaxed civilizations on the Outer Eastern Rim of the Galaxy, the Hitch-Hiker's Guide has already supplanted the great Encyclopaedia Galactica as the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom, for though it has many omissions and contains much that is apocryphal, or at least wildly inaccurate, it scores over the older, more pedestrian work in two important respects. First, it is slightly cheaper; and secondly it has the words DON'T PANIC inscribed in large friendly letters on its cover.
--Douglas Adams

Looking over some of the stats on the blog leads me to one conclusion.  You are far more interested in posts in which I discuss things about EVE in general than tales of my exploits in blowing up.  This is clearly evident when I look at this post which has more views than all my other pages combined.  So, with that in mind, I have good news and bad news.  Bad news is, I'm still going to be posting quite often about my personal exploits in the game.  Those posts probably help me more than you, because it allows me to look back on mistakes I've made and analyze them in a detailed manner so that I don't make them again in the future.  The good news is, I'll try to break them up a bit with posts like this one, where I'll discuss some more general aspects of game play and how you can apply it to yourself.

Head Full of Metal

Insofar as she recognized at all that she was dreaming, she realized that she must be exploring her subconscious mind. She had heard it said that humans are supposed only to use about a tenth of their brains, and that no one was really clear what the other nine tenths were for, but she had certainly never heard it suggested that they were used for storing penguins.
--Douglas Adams

As I promised Toterra in a previous post, I'm going to give my opinions on implants from the POV of a lowsec Pirate.  A lot of these same things will apply to high and null security space, but then again a lot of it won't.  Also if you haven't read any of Toterra's posts from Scram Web go check him out.  He's been at it about 2 years, but does most of his dirty work over in nullsec with Agony Unleashed.  They offer PvP courses to anyone that's interested in learning, which is something I've never participated in, but commend them for the service to the EVE community.  I'd also like to point out that his links to my posts on the first day my blog was posted on Eve Bloggers were a great source of initial traffic for me.  So, thanks Toterra, hopefully I can return the favor someday.

If it Ain't Broke...

This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much all of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
--Douglas Adams

I now interrupt my regularly scheduled programming to bring you some comments on discussions at other blogs. I'm already a little late to the party, and adding this to the end of my queue of scheduled posts means it won't get posted for a couple of weeks.  What discussion am I talking about you ask?  Well, start here, then read this, and finally end up here.  Once you're done with those, join me back here for my own thoughts on the topic.

Moving Day

Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space.
-- Douglas Adams

I wasn't the only one who had noticed just how blobby our local space was becoming.  It didn't help that we were competing with a couple other well known Pirate organizations for what few scraps were left over.  Space is big though, and one of the advantages to Piracy is that you're not really tied down to anywhere in particular.  The leadership of the Blood Money Cartel had already scouted out some new regions of space that looked promising, and after a couple days spent looking them over, official movement orders came down the pipe.  As a sure sign this was a good idea, a 50 man fleet decided to park itself in our old home system for over an hour on moving day.  I tried getting a fight out of them on local, but to no avail.  I think they were French.  Primarily because they wouldn't fight me, but also because most of their bios and Corp descriptions were in French.  Come to think of it, maybe that was the primary reason.

Holy Referrals Batman!

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
-- Douglas Adams

Having added myself to Eve Bloggers I was hoping to see some increase in page views.  At the time of this writing, I went from 6 (which were all bots and webcrawlers) to 427.  In one day.  Thanks for those of you who posted about this blog on your own.  I also enjoy the comments, and will try to respond to those that want a response.

With the added site traffic, I guess I should figure out some way to pace the blog posts.  I'm actually a little embarrassed by the way Eve Bloggers' stream basically was taken over by my posts, since they all came in such a short time.  Going forward, I'm thinking about a twice weekly scheduled post.  Thursdays and Mondays are sounding good to me right now since, well, tomorrow is Thursday and I always like having new blogs to read on Monday when I'm bored at work.  So now, without further ado, more tales of people dying horribly...not all of them me!

Crafty Little Bugger

The quality of any advice anybody has to offer has to be judged against the quality of life they actually lead.
-- Douglas Adams

After an in depth look at the Punisher fit I'm using and how to combat various Rifter tactics in it, here's a fight where none of that mattered that makes me look like I have no idea what I'm talking about.  Yeah, like we didn't know that already.

She's a Brick. House.

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
-- Douglas Adams

I recently mentioned my lovely Space Brick™ of a Punisher.  I thought I'd go ahead and talk a bit about some advice for flying it.  You can either heed this advice, or realize that it's complete lunacy furnished by a failure at this game and do exactly the opposite.  The choice is yours to make.

Obligatory New Year's Post

Time is an illusion.  Lunchtime doubly so.
-- Douglas Adams

It's a brand new year in EVE online.  I thought a bit about what/if I wanted to post concerning the new year.  Year in review?  I've only played 3 months.  New Year's Resolutions?  If I stop being so utterly fail I won't have anything to post about.  I finally settled on posting what I hope to be accomplishing within the next 12 months.  A timeline of personal goals if you will.  Hopefully having it to refer back to will provide me more things I will have failed at as their deadlines pass, which will mean more things to post about.  So please, join me on this look ahead.